Worry Only Steals Today's Joy

I have a tendency to worry. About everything.

I worry about stuff that has happened, stuff that has never happened, stuff that never will happen, stuff...well you get the point. I worry, a lot.

I think a lot of it is my type A personality. I want to be in charge and in control. That's probably why I like routines and not waiting until the last minute to make plans. I like to know in advance. I like to know everything.

I spent most of Sunday and Monday feeling overwhelmed. I've got so much going on with school, with work, with freelancing, and then add in the possibility that a bacterial infection is back reeking havoc in my colon, plus the fact that I have an exam every week until Thanksgiving. Well, it's a lot to think about and digest. It's enough to drive me to drink...you know, if I drank.

As I was driving to work Monday morning I realized that worry is a joy stealer. It takes the joy of today and tomorrow and sucks the life right out of it, especially since most of the worry will be over things that will never happen anyway. So as I drove to work I pondered how worry steals my joy over today and tomorrow. I'm so busy worrying about passing an exam that I get so wrapped up in doing the laundry and other homework that I don't study. Thus not doing as well in my classes as I would like. I worry that my husband will be disappointed if the laundry isn't all done and the house isn't clean. I want to be perfect at everything, and because I can't be perfect, I worry. And the only thing I'm accomplishing is making myself miserable. I want to make straight A's, I want to come home at night and spend time with my husband and sewing or crocheting or doing something fun instead of homework, I want to get an amazing job and I worry about all of that stuff, and that I won't actually do any of it.

Worry = Joy Steal-er

I hate that I worry about things that will never happen, about things that are never even possibly going to happen, yet I worry. And the only thing I'm accomplishing is stealing my joy in today for the what if of tomorrow. It's not doing me any good, I'm not gaining anything by worrying about all of the stuff that runs through my mind. As I write this I'm thinking about how I need to go get something for lunch and go to the bathroom before I leave a puddle, yet I don't want to haul my 40 pound (yes that's actually accurate, I weighed it, twice). around to pee and to get something to eat. But I worry about what will happen if I leave it here. Will someone steal my bag? Do they really want some chewed on pencils?

So I'll sit here and stress out about it, and eventually just pack it all up, go to the bathroom get something to eat, and come back to study until my next class starts. It's ridiculous.

I'm going to actively try to worry less. I'm going to prioritize. God, family, homework, work, and everything else. Let's at least make the grades I want so I don't worry about passing my classes and keeping my GPA up. I want A's and B's this semester, and I'm working my tushy off to make it happen. I refuse to let worry steal my joy in what I'm accomplishing in the process.

I refuse to allow worry to steal my joy in today for the unknown of tomorrow.